We're the Millers

Directed by Rawson Marshall Thurber.

Jason Sudeikis

Jennifer Aniston

Emma Roberts

Will Poulter

Ed Helms

Nick Offerman

Kathryn Hahn

Molly C. Quinn

Tomer Sisley

Luis Guzman

Thomas Lennon

David (Sudeikis) is the local weed man in the Denver community where he lives. Yeah, I know. Circumstances dictate that he desperately needs to repay a debt to his supplier Brad (Helms). Brad tells him all will be forgiven if he goes down to Mexico and brings back "a smidge, smidge and a half" of weed. David hatches a plan to pose as a family hoping that he won't get harassed by Border Patrol that way. Since he doesn't have a family of his own, he has to recruit one. He gets troubled, but very different teens Kenny (Poulter) and Casey (Roberts) to play his kids. To complete the picture he gets Rose (Aniston), the stripper who lives across the hall and is facing eviction, to play his wife. And away we go.

Early on, We're the Millers does what it sets out to do. It makes us laugh. While Sudeikis is getting in lots of great lines, much of the humor comes from Kenny's naivete. Jennifer Aniston continues to poke fun at herself for, of all things, being her age and still looking great (see most of her movies in the last decade). The situations are appropriately zany, giving us the giggles on that front. Finally, Ed Helms is a riot. It all adds up to the first two thirds being fast and fun.

As it must in all movies, the third act eventually comes. When it does, things take a turn for the mundane. It's not really all that bad, just generic. In place of all the sizzle of the earlier parts, we get a steady descent into sentimentality. The filmmakers seem hell bent on making the ending as cute as possible. It comes off as them taking the easy way out. To do this, all of the loose ends are tied too neatly. This leads to predictability. In fact, nothing unexpected happens as the movie rushes toward its climax. Action picks up and the laughs mostly subside. Action and happy endings aren't inherently good or bad, but in the context of We're the Millers they're the expected and, therefore, less satisfying outcome.

Being pretty good for two thirds of the run time, however is a fate that befalls many a comedy. In trying to solve their conflicts, the last third is often filled with shootouts, explosions, and getting everyone happy. This is no different. In fact, it follows that pattern to a tee. Thankfully, WtM successfully humors us early, making it easy to forgive its flaws. It's still not enough to make us completely overlook them. If you don't laugh early, then forget it because it's not getting any better. For those of us that do, even if we have a number of deep belly laughs, we can't help but think it could've been much better.

MY SCORE: 6.5/10

Turbo

Directed by David Soren.

2013. Rated PG, 96 minutes.

Cast:

Ryan Reynolds

Paul Giamatti

Samuel L. Jackson

Michael Peña

Snoop Dogg

Maya Rudolph

Michelle Rodriguez

Luis Guzman

Bill Hader

Richard Jenkins

Ken Jeong

Mario Andretti

Ironically, Turbo (Reynolds) is a snail. He loves Formula One racing, especially his hero Guy Gagné (Hader) and wants nothing more than to go really fast. As you might imagine, being a snail makes this rather difficult. Still, a boy can dream. Unfortunately, that dreaming makes it hard for him to perform the mundane tasks of daily life. This includes doing his job for which he is under the supervision of his much more cautious brother Chet (Giamatti). Frustrated with life, Turbo finds himself looking over the freeway. Somehow he finds himself on it, barely surviving the harrowing ordeal. When he comes to, he discovers that his shell is suddenly a high-powered engine that enables him to travel at ridiculous speeds. One thing leads to another and Turbo and Chet wind up in the care of Tito (Peña), a taco salesman/snail racer with big ideas. Trying to get Turbo into the Indy 500 ensues.

Following Turbo on his quest is a fun adventure that is well paced and breezes by easily. The racing scenes are all exciting and should bring the youngsters to the edge of their seats as a decent amount of tension is created by them. The story between them holds together pretty well, also. As nonsensical as it sounds, we buy into it. We get caught up in whether or not this little snail can do the impossible.

Helping to sell all of this to us is a remarkable cast. To me, this begins with two wonderful actors doing superb voice work, Paul Giamatti and the incomparable Samuel L. Jackson. Both are just plain amazing. Giamatti provides a persistent naysayer who makes his opinions clearly known. Jackson brings his familiar persona to the role and somehow makes it all the way through the film without dropping F-bombs. Between the two of them, they get most of the movie’s best lines. However, they are not alone. Michael Peña, Bill Hader, Snoop, and Ken Jeong are all excellent, as well. Luis Guzman shines in the very nearly thankless role of Tito’s big brother Angelo, but not given nearly as much to do. All of them overshadow leading snail Ryan Reynolds. It’s not that he is bad, it’s that they are so good.

By the end, we have an easily graspable film about chasing your dreams and never giving up. This message is telegraphed pretty far in advance so that might lessen some of its potency, but it still works. Best of all, it’s not something we have to dwell on. Things are kept lighthearted enough so the kids don’t feel brow-beaten when it’s over. It stands a bit ahead of most animated kiddie fare, but is not quite special.

MY SCORE: 7/10

Journey 2 the Mysterious Island

Directed by Brad Peyton.
2012. Rated PG, 94 minutes.

Cast:

Dwayne Johnson

Josh Hutcherson

Vanessa Hudgens

Michael Caine

Luis Guzman

Kristin Davis

The Rock…er…Dwayne Johnson in another benign family flick. Yaaayyy! This time he leads a cast of misfits in the sequel to 2008’s Journey to the Center of the Earth which stars Brendan Fraser, hence the “2” in the title. Clever, ain’t they? Or not. Could Fraser have possibly been too busy to do this one? Never mind. Like in the original, a group of people decide to try and actually locate a mythical location from a Jules Verne novel. Obviously our heroes, only one of whom is in the first flick, are trying to find “The Mysterious Island.” With only a single relevant character appearing in both movies, the strongest link between the films is the supposition that Verne was actually a historian and not a novelist. Okay, fine.

Despite the focus on The Rock’s bouncing boobs, more on that later, the story revolves around the kid from the first movie (Hutcherson). No, I don’t care what the character’s name is, just know that he’s played by the kid from The Hunger Games. In that movie he is trying to find his father whom he thinks is at the center of the Earth. Here, he’s searching for his grandfather whom he believes…do I really have to say it? The kid is also a grade A brat who can’t get along with his stepdad played by The Rock AKA Man Candy. In an unusual bonding effort, Man Candy decides to help the kid find the place in the title. Not surprisingly, getting there takes some serious effort and surviving some particularly foreboding weather. Think Bermuda Triangle. It also includes Vanessa Hudgens and her dad Luis Guzman, AKA the pretty girl and comic relief, respectively. Of course they make it. Of course, and this is not a spoiler, they find Alfred Pennyworth…er…Harry Brown…er…Michael Caine, the kid’s grandpa. The conflict of the movie isn’t getting to the Mysterious Island, it’s getting off.

You probably know how all this plays out, except for that whole thing about Man Candy’s bouncing boobs. I’ve long suspected the reason he is in so many of kiddie flicks is to give moms something to fawn over while the fam friendly fun drones on. Journey 2 confirms my suspicions. He dispenses sage advice to the kid on how to make women fall madly in love. Part of that advice is repeatedly, and alternately, flexing your pecs which he happily demonstrates. Yes, the shirt he wears throughout surely cuts off his circulation. The pic above doesn’t do it justice, you gotta see this thing in action. During this excruciatingly long scene I had to endure my wife’s taunts of “You can’t do that,” and my daughter noticing “I can see his nipples.” Yup, they were that obvious. Think J-Lo in Anaconda, only I didn’t enjoy looking at these. Rated PG my shiny black hiny.

I’m not insecure. Really.

Regardless, Journey 2 isn’t terrible. I wouldn’t go so far as to call it good, but you know what you’re getting, especially if you saw the first one (not essential viewing to enjoy this one) and/or the Will Ferrell flick Land of the Lost. It’s an adventure with a few funny moments, some interesting visuals and a cute puppy love story all wrapped in an inoffensive package. Inoffensive except for Man Candy’s chest twitching, that is. For him, I invoke the words of the late great (and fictional) Nino Brown (google him, young’uns): I never liked you anyway, pretty mother…I’ll shut my mouth because I’m tired of talkin’ ‘bout The Rock.

MY SCORE: Wait a sec…

Dear Mr. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson,

These are just the jokes of an angry little human. After all, everybody’s a comedian. If we were to ever meet in person I’d gladly proclaim that you are ‘The Man’ and invite you to dip your ever-poking-through-the-soft-material-of-your-shirt nipples in ink and use them to etch an autograph for my all-too-smitten-with-you wife. You just can’t do this upon her actual person or we will have to fight to my death. Okay, now...

MY SCORE: 5/10

Arthur (2011)

Directed by Jason Winer.

2011. Rated PG-13, 110 minutes.
Cast:
Russell Brand
Helen Mirren
Jennifer Garner
Greta Gerwig
Geraldine James
Luis Guzmán
Nick Nolte
Murphy Guyer
Evander Holyfield

Arthur (Brand) is a fabulously wealthy alcoholic party-boy who fails to comprehend most things beyond what would be expected of a toddler. In fact, he’s still cared for by his nanny Hobson (Mirren). Tired of the exploits that keep landing him on the front page of the newspaper and embarrassing the family, and more importantly its business, his mother mandates that he mary the company’s respectable exec Susan (Garner) and settle down. If he doesn’t he will be completely cut off from the family fortune. Of course, he doesn’t particularly like Susan. To complicate matters even further, he’s become smitten with Naomi (Gerwig), a poor girl who scrapes by giving illegal tours of Grand Central Station to tourists. Yes, this is a remake of the beloved 1981 hit starring Dudley Moore.

In the title role, Russell Brand does the usual Russell Brand schtick. His Arthur is hardly distinguishable from his Aldous Snow, his character in both Get Him to the Greek and Forgetting Sarah Marshall. If you’re a fan of his, this is great. If you’re not, then it’s not. In either case, the movie constructed around him isn’t as good as either of those. Arthur just drags us down a road we’ve traversed many times. It’s that road where all the rich people are cold and calculating, possibly evil, while all of the poor are virtuous and loyal, almost angelic. Even this can work if the story is told in an interesting manner and/or we’re given round characters we feel empathy for. Such was the case with the original, unless nostalgia is getting the best of me. These people are cardboard cutouts of characters in other crappy movies who were caricatures to begin with. It all adds up to us not caring one iota about what happens to them because we’ve already seen them in other movies and didn’t particularly care for them, then.

Whatever the material’s shortcomings, the cast is game. While Brand is vigorously doing Brand, Jennifer Garner is feverishly working the dominatrix in a business suit angle, complete with riding whip. Either I’m jaded by years of seeing her as the good girl or she doesn’t have too many evil bones in her body, so I can’t quite buy it. Still, the effort is there. Helen Mirren gives her character dignity, sincerity and depth beyond the lines she speaks. It’s a typically wonderful performance from her. Greta Gerwig as Naomi is the exception. For pretty much the entire time she’s on screen her eyes are big as saucers and she can’t remove the perma-grin. Regardless of context, most of her lines come across as if she’s saying “Gee Willikers Arthur, that was neat!” Of course, during her sad scenes she’s worse. I could “see” her acting. That’s never a good thing.

Arthur plays out exactly as it is set up to right from the start. It’s a straight-forward entry into the ever-expanding romantic comedy genre. That might be okay if it were funnier. This is the major difference between this and the original. That one has more laughs. Most of the jokes here don’t quite work. Aside from the novel appearance of a not-so-heroic Batman and Robin plus two by the gaudiest of all Batmobiles, our new Arthur fails to stand out from the crowd.

MY SCORE: 4.5/10