Aquaman

Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning

Directed by John Hyams.

2012. Rated R, 114 minutes.

Cast:

Scott Adkins

Jean-Claude Van Damme

Dolph Lundgren

Mariah Bonner

Andrei Arlovski

Rus Blackwell

Audrey P. Scott

David Jensen

Roy Jones, Jr.

John (Adkins) is woken up in the middle of the night by his daughter who says there are monsters in the kitchen. Like a good father, he goes to investigate. When he gets there, he discovers she was right. Three men in ski masks are waiting for him and proceed to beat half to death with a crowbar. While he lies in a pool of his own blood, the men bring down his daughter and his wife and murders them right in front of him. Fast forward nine months to John waking up in the hospital. He’s told by the FBI that a man named Devereaux (Van Damme) is responsible. Our hero trying to find this man ensues. His quest is made a bit more difficult because Devereaux’s second-in-command, Scott (Lundgren), has sent the maniacal goon known as The Plumber (Arlovski) after John to kill him. If that weren't bad enough, all these bad guys are hopped up the Universal Soldier Serum which makes the stuff Captain America got seem like a B-12 shot.

Immediately, it becomes clear that our focus is on brutal and bloody violence. At this, it succeeds. The next knock-down-drag-out is never too far away. Everything in the vicinity gets smashed, blood splatters everywhere, and body parts are left among the debris. Don’t worry, they get regenerated. No, I’m not joking. Anyhoo, without overextending itself, it is enough to satisfy your average action junkie.

Between all the noisy parts, we get a story that’s simple at it’s core, a bit convoluted in execution, and holds together barely enough to get us through. A few things don’t quite make sense, but not enough to ruin the movie. However, if you’re looking for all of this feature Jean-Claude Van Damme and Dolph Lundgren, you will be sorely disappointed. Neither guy has very much screen time. It is all about this young guy, Scott Adkins. He provides a solid enough protagonist. After all, it’s not like Van Damme and Lundgren were ever accused of being great actors. Okay, maybe once. Van Damme was excellent in JCVD, but that’s it so the point remains. Besides, they do get in on the action a little bit.

In case the title and the presence of two 80s action gods didn’t clue you in, this is another entry in the Universal Soldier canon. I have no idea how many this makes, nor do I really care. The very first one is the only one I have seen. I must confess that happened so long ago I don’t remember much about it. What I’m getting at is this: familiarity with the franchise is not a must to enjoy Day of Reckoning. It works well enough as a stand-alone. For those of you that are familiar, I have no idea how well this fits or doesn’t with the series motif. In any event, it’s perfectly acceptable as a mile-a-minute, turn your brain off action flick.

MY SCORE: 6/10

The Expendables 2

Directed by Simon West.

2012. Rated R, 103 minutes.

Cast:

Sylvester Stallone

Jason Statham

Arnold Schwarzenegger

Bruce Willis

Jean-Claude Van Damme

Chuck Norris

Nan Yu

Dolph Lundgren

Jet Li

Terry Crews

Randy Couture

Charisma Carpenter

Everything goes boom. There’s really not much more description or explanation needed. This is a movie simply about everything going boom and the guys we love to watch make stuff go boom making stuff go boom. We have plenty of holdovers from the original. Since he’s the creator of both of these homages to the 1980s, Sylvester Stallone once again plays our fearless leader. Joining him again are current action king Jason Statham, former straight-to-video action king Dolph Lundgren, martial arts legend Jet Li, Terry Crews and Randy Couture. Expanding their cameos from the first flick are The Governator, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Mr. Die Hard himself, Bruce Willis. Also joining in on the fun are “the muscles from Brussels” Jean-Claude Van Damme and the man who doesn’t do push-ups but instead pushes the Earth down, Chuck Norris.

How the hell didn’t this movie not have a part for Steven Segal? Well, he possibly ate himself out of a role. And again, no Carl Weathers? Did Ivan Drago…ahem…Dolph Lundgren really kill him during that boxing match where James Brown performed “Living in America?” Woo. Good Gawd. Jump back. Kiss myself! Hey! May the Godfather of Soul rest in peace. Sorry. Got off track for a moment.

There is the basic construct of a story here. As you may recall from the original, Sly and the guys whose names I dropped in the first group are kinda, sorta like The A-Team. By the way, since another major draw is our familiarity with and nostalgia for the actual actors and their past work, we won’t be using any character names here. The youngest guy on the squad decides the life of a merc is not for him. . He’ll finish out the month then go home to settle down with his girl and raise a family. If you don’t know how that works out in action flicks, think of him this way: in another movie he’d be a cop with only a few weeks until retirement. In other words, he’ll need to be avenged. He meets his fate during a mission the boys get sent on by Bruce Willis. They don’t want to do it, but Sly owes Bruce a solid. Their job is to grab hold of a thingamajig from the wreckage of a downed plane and bring it back. Of course, that doesn’t go as planned since Van Damme and his evil cronies show up to get their grubby little paws on it. Yes, Van Damme is a villain. He’s a pretty good one, in fact. Anyhoo, that’s about as specific as I’m going to get. From there, our heroes trying to retrieve the thingamajig and avenge their fallen brethren ensues.

The Expendables 2 is a dumb, fun action flick sure to give your surround sound system a workout. It’s even better than its predecessor because there’s not nearly as much downtime so we can get to know the boys. They all pop in, shoot stuff and/or fight while either themselves or someone else makes a reference to one of their old movies, or their persona in general, as a joke. For instance, a large percentage of Arnie’s dialogue is made up of him telling whoever is within earshot “I’ll be back.” You should understand this to mean this flick takes itself even less seriously than its predecessor and is therefore closer to what I thought that movie would be. Without question, this is a “turn your brain off” experience starring a group of guys who made a pretty good living making stuff go boom. In other words, it's so bad it's awesome!

MY SCORE: -10/10